A Love Story For Monsters
by colej67
Summary: In which Bruce and Tony are in love and Hulk is feeling jealous. It is one "monster's" quest to finally have his own love story, facing the odds of his own lack of romantic knowledge, Tony Stark's obliviousness and Bruce's fear of all things Hulk.
1. Wuthering Heights and dead worms

The hot New Mexico sun beat down on his shoulders as Hulk wrestled the giant worm into submission. The thing was easily three feet taller than him, though not nearly as wide and strong. He wrapped his giant arms around where the thing's neck should be.

Normally Hulk would just smash its head open. It was much quicker. But he couldn't do that today, because Tony wanted something to study.

"Why does all the really cool shit get carted back to S.H.I.E.L.D?" Tony complained, at the fight with the alien crabs a few months earlier. "Just this once I'd like to get the honor of cutting into some dead aliens and seeing how they work."

And the dead things that S.H.I.E.L.D did let him keep...well most of those had been cracked open and destroyed by either Hulk or Thor, and were basically useless. But not today.

Nope, Tony would get the whole stupid worm thing to do science on, even if Hulk had to fight this thing the long way.

Because then Tony would give him that wide smile that made Hulk's insides feel all melt-y. He'd know that Hulk kept the thing whole, just for him. Maybe Tony would even kiss him. It'd be a light kiss on the cheek, probably, but Hulk would take any Tony kisses he could get.

The worm gave one final scream and then laid limp in Hulk's arms. He let out a huge huff of breath at that. Hulk pushed the stupid worm off of him and let his head fall back on the dirt.

It was stupid, thinking about kissing Tony. Tony and Banner had been dating for months and not once had Tony done more than give Hulk a brief hug. So why would he kiss Hulk over a stupid worm?

His body screamed for action. The others were fighting the other worm somewhere across town. He knew he should help them. But...well his mind didn't want him to get up.

His mind wanted Hulk to lay right down in the dirt and do nothing but think about Tony—about the way Tony smiled at him, which made the world seem bright and happy, about the way Tony called Hulk names and teased him, like he was just like everybody else. He wanted to think about the way Tony trusted him, treated him like another human being and never once acted like Hulk was stupid.

The way Tony patted Hulk's arm and called him a hero. The way he smelled, his beautiful eyes.

And what his stupid brain thought about most was the fact that Tony wasn't his.

Hulk shook his head. This wasn't what Hulk did, laying around feeling sorry for himself. This is what Banner did. Hulk goes out and beats things up when he feels bad. He goes and he fights. So Hulk leaned down and picked up the dead worm and put it across his shoulders. He followed his own footsteps back to the edge of town and then stopped.

To his right there was a store. It took a bit but then he understood. "Secondhand Books" the building said. Hulk didn't do much reading, but Banner did. And Banner was the one Tony loved. Maybe there was something in a book somewhere. Something that could help.

Hulk dropped his cargo into the dirt in front of the store. He ducked his head and stumbled in. The light was very dim and the place smelled very dusty. It was the book dust smell that Banner liked so well. It made Hulk sneeze.

The small, old man at the counter jumped up in an effort to run away, but only hit the wall behind him. Hulk looked away, eying the books. He found that, if he didn't act like he noticed someone, that they didn't really matter, that it calmed them down.

" Hulk needs a book." He said, still looking at them.

To the old man's credit, he didn't take his opening to run. And, after taking a few deep breaths that Hulk pretended not to hear, started to speak.

"Well, sonny, this here's the perfect place for it. Now what kinda book are you after?" He slowly approached Hulk and Hulk didn't move, because people get really scared when Hulk moves.

Hulk can feel his face heat up. He twists his hands together and then forces them to stop. That was another Banner thing.

"Romance." Because Hulk would not let this tiny man with white hair see him embarrassed.

"Heh," the man let out showing Hulk to the section in the front. "I don't cotton much to romance myself, more of a westerns man. But those books sure sell well. Got any specific ones in mind young fella?"

Specific ones? Hulk thought. There was more than one kind? "What kinds are there?"

The old man laughed again. "Oh a bunch! There's what they call supernatural romance, which is beautiful women with beautiful vampires and such." Hulk flinched at that. Tony may be beautiful, but he wasn't a woman.

And Hulk wasn't beautiful or a vampire. Wasn't there anything about beautiful men and scary looking Hulks?

"Alrighty, then of course we've got us a section of the classics," the man said, moving to the next shelf.

Classic. Now that sounded better. Definitely the kind of thing Banner liked. The old man moved forward and picked one up.

He handed it to Hulk, who took it without thinking. "Now I've even heard'a this one. Supposed to be the ultimate romance novel."

Hulk squinted and read the title "Wuthering Heights." Hmm...that sounded familiar to Hulk too.

"Hulk wants this one." He said, holding the book to his chest. Then he realized there was a problem with that . "Hulk don't have money." He grumbled as he said the words.

This is why Tony's with Banner, he thought, because Hulk does stupid things like try to get a book without money.

The man's eyes went wide with fear for a bit but then quickly covered it up with a large fake smile.

"Well you're just in luck, buddy. Hulk's get books free here." That didn't feel right to him. Not just that he knew the old man was lying, but that he was giving Hulk what he wants out of fear.

Although Hulk really needed the book. What if this book told him how to win Tony? Could he leave the store without it, thinking about how he will never know if the book told him what to do?

So Hulk mumbled out a 'thanks' and left as soon as he could.

Hulk walked until he found a shady alley between two vacant buildings. All of the surrounding area was abandoned, the civilians having already fled in terror from the worm creatures. He laid the worm thing's corpse against the wall and leaned back against it. Thankfully, the worm made a better pillow than it did a fighter.

The tiny book fit into one hand, so he used the other to turn the pages. He squinted at the words,the sentences. Both were way too long for his comfort. Why couldn't this woman just say what she meant? And the story...the man who was telling it was just so...so snobbish.

Yeah, that was the word, snobbish. Judging everyone around him and only liking Heathcliff because he's pretty. "What a jerk".Hulk grumbled to himself as he kept reading.

Shouldn't there be a love story by now? Hulk was two pages in already! He didn't grab this book to read about dingy houses and angry people. And that's all it seemed Wuthering Heights was about! Heathcliff hates the angry young lady, who hates the angry young man and they all hate the narrator who's staying with them for no reason...his head spun with confusion.

Was the annoying narrator man going to fall for the angry young woman? Or maybe, the angry young man? Hulk's thoughts perked up at that. The narrator was rich, probably, and refined. And the angry young man was rough looking, with large hands, probably with scabs and scars. Maybe the big, scary looking young man would end up with the rich and refined one...?

Nope. Not only did the narrator think that the young man was with the young woman, but he felt sorry for her because of it. The idea of that, feeling sorry for her for being with this man, just because of how he looked!

Hulk felt his heart beat faster, the anger surging through him.

"She has thrown herself away on that boor from sheer ignorance that better individuals existed" Said the stupid narrator man. Hulk felt his hands grip the book harder as they shook.

He forced breath in and out and in and out again. No, can't destroy the book. Maybe it's just getting good. He felt a thought in the back of his mind trying to come out. It wasn't Banner trying to talk to him it was...something he didn't notice.

Something about...the book, the book! He read something but didn't understand it, a few pages back. Maybe he just read over it, because everything was so confusing on every page so he couldn't focus on it all at once.

It felt like something very important. Banner would have understood that it was important the first time. But Hulk couldn't understand books as easily-which didn't mean he was stupid or anything.

So he turned the pages in desperation and finally found it. The stupid narrator was talking about being in love. The only real mention of anything useful in the first 13 pages of this annoying book. Even with the hard-to-understand way it was written, Hulk thought he understood what the narrator was saying. He read through the sentence again and again, to make sure he did it just right.

"I never told my love vocally; still, if looks have language, the merest idiot might have guessed I was head over ears: she looked at me at last, and looked a return—the sweetest of all imaginable looks."

Could you tell someone how much you loved them just by looking at them? Was it really that simple? This book was supposed to be the best romance ever, even the cover talked about how famous it was. If he couldn't find stuff about love here, then where else could he find it?

Hulk was sure he never gave Tony love looks before, at least if he did, it wasn't on purpose. No, he made a habit of not looking at Tony if he could help it. At least, not when Tony was paying attention. People got scared when they had Hulk's attention, so he rarely got to look people in the eye. Which wasn't fun, in part because Tony had the most beautiful eyes Hulk had ever seen.

Maybe that's what was wrong. Hulk didn't have Tony because he didn't look at him enough! And not just any looks, the love looks the narrator talked about. And, when he gave them to Tony, then Tony would give him the sweetest of all imaginable looks.

Hulk stood up quickly and hefted the worm back on his shoulders. He kept there with his left hand, his right hand gripping the book. He looked to the sky and, seeing it wonderfully empty, took a giant leap and set out to find Tony.

Which didn't take long. He found the team surrounding the other worm thing. Thor riding on it's back, trying to land the death blow while the others got scared people out of the way and Tony watched from the skies.

Finally Thor killed the thing (it didn't even take Hulk that long when he wasn't using all his strength.) Thor jumped off of it with a large grin and Tony finally began to float back to earth.

Hulk made sure to look directly at him the entire time. He didn't even notice his team gathering near him. He had to put everything into looking at Tony and everything in that look that he felt. So he thought real hard about it.

I love you. He thought over and over. Hulk loves Tony so much. The way you smile. The way you tease and flirt and your pretty white teeth. How smart you are and how much you trust me.

Tony finally hit the ground. Hulk concentrated harder as he watched him take his helmet off and walk toward the group.

Hulk loves Tony with everything. Hulk would die for Tony if he could. Tony who treats Hulk as a friend, as a man.

Tony stopped short. He gave Hulk a confused look. "Anything wrong Big Guy?"

"Wrong?" Hulk asked, thinking his love thoughts at Tony as hard as he could.

Tony took a step back.

"Did I do something to piss you off, somehow? Step on your toe? Unknowingly insult your mother?"

Hulk shook his head. "Tony didn't do anything." He felt his heart sink. He did it just right, didn't he? He thought his love thoughts as hard as he could, tried to make them show on his face. Tried to tell Tony what he felt.

"Then why're you looking at me like you're about to punch me in the face?"

Hulk blinked. "That's how Hulk looks?"

He saw Tony begin to relax. "Well yeah...huh and you didn't even know it..." Then Tony shrugged and with a smile said, "Maybe that's just how your face works. What's with the dead worm Jolly Green?"

Hulk fought to make the cold feeling in his stomach go away.

"For Tony." He mumbled.

Tony's eye's brightened in a way that were almost too much for him to take.

"For me?" He said, making grabby hands at the dead thing.

Hulk nodded. "Tony said he wanted an alien to do science on."

Tony moved forward toward Hulk and then stopped. "I did? When did I say that? I think I'd remember...Wait...you mean the fight with the crab things? But that was months ago!"

Hulk could feel a blush burning on his cheeks, although he knew it probably didn't show on his green skin.

"Hulk remembered. Got Tony a whole worm, one that S.H.I.E.L.D can't touch."

Tony smiled his best smile at that. The one that showed his pretty white teeth and made the lines by his eyes show. The one that meant he was truly happy.

"Oh, Hulk. I gotta tell you, even with all my millions, this has got to be in the top five presents I've ever gotten."

Behind them, they saw Natasha landing the quinet. Tony grabbed Hulk by the elbow and walked him toward it. "Seriously Big Green, this is incredible. I'm gonna drag Bruce into the lab to cut into that thing and not let him leave for weeks!" He flashed that grin again.

Hulk tried to match his smile. He peeled his lips back and let his teeth show, knowing he couldn't look as pretty as Tony, ever.

Tony flinched back and then laughed. "Between the two of us, smiling doesn't do wonders for your face. Now you look like you're gonna punch me in the face and sincerely enjoy it." Then Tony sauntered into the jet, not looking back.

Hulk guessed it was just like what the narrator said about Heathcliff. Hulk must have a ""perverse set of facial muscles that will not, like those of other people, interpret the language of his soul""

He grumbled, pushing Thor into the dust as he moved to get into the jet.


	2. Ogres (and Hulks) are like onions

Tony should've known that the universe wouldn't be kind enough to give him weeks of interrupted science time with his boyfriend to open up a humongous worm. No, the world sure as hell didn't work like that.

On the third day, JARVIS announced over the intercom that General Ross and his men were currently laying siege to the tower and would Sir and Dr. Banner care to join Ms. Romanov and Mr. Barton in defending it?

Quite honestly, Tony really didn't want to. There was science to be done! A worm that lived in the bowels of the earth to be cut open and studied. It's regeneration capabilities would take weeks to truly understand.

But, Bruce had to go and remind him that, this was their tower, and his biggest enemy, so it was kind of their job to fight Ross. Or rather, his job, seeing as Ross was the guy who went around fucking up his life. By the time Tony got him to understand that, hey, your enemies are our enemies, Bruce was turning that bright shade of green that meant Hulk was immanent.

So yeah...they quickly abandoned the scientific find of the century to fight with Ross. Bruce, jumping out of the remote controlled window Tony had designed for Hulk purposes, and Tony following soon after.

Didn't take long to spot the Hulk-busters and their fucking tanks! Tanks! Right out side the home of a good tax paying citizen like him. The nerve! There better be some pundit on the news in the upcoming days screaming about this sheer abuse of power.

Until then, the Avengers were gonna show them what happened when you messed with one of theirs. Or two of theirs, as the case actually was.

Ross wanted Bruce and Hulk both. Their teammates. Tony's boyfriends...Tony's _boyfriend_ and his good friend that lived inside him. Yes. That was it.

Tony landed behind the blockade outside Avengers Tower, a mass of scared citizens and visitors scampering off to god knows where, just trying to be safe.

And Ross called Bruce and Hulk dangerous.

From this far back, he could hear the shooting and shouting. Some stupid bastard had given Ross a megaphone. "Give up the monster, now. Look at the citizens you're putting in danger every minute your harbor that freak."

Natasha and Clint answered with gunshots. Tony looked around and briefly saw a flash of red and black, followed by red, white and blue. _Ah, so the gang's all here._

"Natasha!" He called out on the comm that they carried with them at all times. "Give me some kind of information. Surely Ross didn't come here with his little tanks to demand we give up Bruce. Is he _that_ stupid?" Tony asked, letting off a repulsor ray and sending one of the soldier's guns flying.

"S.H.I.E.L.D's been hearing something about a..." She said, her voice taken over by static and then a gunshot.

"A WHAT?" He screamed out, aiming at the biggest tank and being thrown off course by a bullet dinging off the side of his suit.

"Stay down and I'll let you live to be stupid another day." She said, to somebody Tony couldn't see. "Ross has a net!" She shouted back, to make sure he heard her.

"A net?"

"That is correct. Made out of some special element. Supposed to zap gamma rays. Do you know where Hulk is?"

"Uh..." Tony trailed off. "Going after Ross?"

Natasha spit out a Russian phrase. From the inflection, Tony suspected it was a curse.

"You should have told us about the fucking net, Natasha." There was more shooting on her end and then an explosion.

And then Barton came on the line. "She couldn't have told you something we just learned like two minutes ago. We were at a briefing and...got you, you fucker!"

Then there was air wave silence. Tony took that time to get off some, quite honestly, beautiful shots at the various scampering soldiers. Some of which dropped their guns in terror and ran.

"We were in a briefing when we got the call about this attack. We radioed it to Fury, and just now were given the intel about the net. It neutralizes gamma rays, I.E, they get that net on Hulk, he'll Bruce out and they can cart him away." Clint exclaimed. "You gotta get Hulk outta here."

"Me?" Tony asked, firing off more shots. "I was just starting to have fun. Why can't Cap do it?"

"Because it's not my boyfriend's other half out there, Tony." Rogers shot back.

"Hulk is quite enamored with you, Man of Iron- more-so than any of us. He will be most calmed by your presence." Thor took the time to burst in.

Tony let out a sigh and set the suit to downward motion into the heart of the chaos. Using his arms to shift through the rubble, he finally caught sight of Hulk, his arms wrapped around the General's neck.

"Come on boys!" The asshole had the nerve to scream. "Plan Delta is in action!"

Hulk squeezed his neck harder, cutting off anything else the general would've said.

"BAD ARMY MAN TALK TOO MUCH!" He screamed.

"I think Delta is the net thing!" Clint screamed over the comm. "Get Hulk outta there now!"

"I already figured that out, Birdbrain. That's why I'm the genius." And then he ran, his armored feet skidding mere centimeters in front of his very large and very angry friend.

"Hulk! You have to get out of here. It's a trap!"

Hulk turned. His large eyes full of rage and triumph. "HULK SMASH ROSS!"

"No, buddy! We have to go now!"

Hulk screamed in his face at that and Tony worried for his hearing. There were three or four soldiers jumping on his big green back, trying to knock him down, get the general free or just stop him somehow. Hulk knocked them away like he was swatting at flies.

"They have a net. It'll turn you into Bruce and they'll take you away. Lock you up. This once, just this once, you have to let us smash for you!"

Hulk, still with Ross trapped under one huge underarm, tilted his head in confusion. "Trap?"

"Yes!" Tony screamed. "A trap. You have to get out of here now. Let us do this for you. Alright? Let us take care of you, please!" Bullets dinged off the suit over and over, the roar of guns making it hard to be heard. So they were left to shout at each other. Tony surprised at just how terrified he sounded.

"NO TRAP STRONG ENOUGH FOR HULK!" He bellowed, turning to his left to smash into a tank heading his way. The thing's back end raised up into the air and then flipped onto it's side. The soldiers driving it crept out of the hole made by Hulk's fist and scrambled to find cover.

"This one is! It's made to react to gamma rays. You're a fucking gamma ray buffet! You know this! Come on! We've got to go!" Tony punctuated this by pulling on the arm not currently choking a five star general.

Hulk pulled away with such force that Tony landed on his metal clad ass, hard.

"HULK STAY UNTIL ROSS AND HIS MEN STOP! HULK MAKE THEM STOP!" He screamed, throwing Ross like a rag doll into a gang of his men. The general stood up, coughing with a hand to his throat and grinned. It was a smile that truly helped Tony appreciate how non-malicious Hulk's grins truly were.

As he coughed and wheezed, the men behind him rummaged through the wreckage of the Hulk-smashed tank. This was it, the fucking Net thing. And Hulk was just standing there!

It took eight soldiers to carry the damn thing, it's black metal shining dangerously. They inched toward Hulk, who planted his feet apart and held out a fist, preparing for battle.

A battle Tony couldn't allow him to fight.

"Please? We need to go! Now!" He said, repeating his action of pulling on one of Hulk's huge arms. "You can't win this! Not this time! Once we get the net..." Hulk finally turned to look at him.

"Once we get the net, you can kick him all around fucking New York like a goddamn can! Alright? Can you do this for me, Big guy? I..."

There wasn't a word for the fear in his stomach. The idea of Bruce and Hulk being captured and experimented on. Their naked bodies cut into. Being treated like something inhuman and never seeing sunlight.

"I'm scared! I'm fucking terrified. The idea of Ross getting his hands on you, on either of you, it keeps me up at night. And I can't watch that happen, so please..." He said, his voice becoming almost hysterical. "DON'T LET HIM DO THIS BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO STUBBORN TO RUN!"

Hulk finally turned away from the general and his men, who began running in his direction.

"Yes, that's it. Now you gotta go."

"We go. Tony said we."

He shook his head rapidly. "I meant you. You have to run. Let me back in the fight."

Hulk narrowed his eyes at that. "TONY SAID WE!" And then he grabbed Tony up in one huge arm and jumped into the sky.

Tony spoke into the comm. "I've been taken out by a Big Green distraction, the rest is up to you guys. Most of the other targets have dispersed, only the big guns remain, gotta take Ross out, number one priority."

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do while we do all the work, Stark?" Barton asked.

"I'm going to keep our big green smashing machine entertained so he doesn't go jumping back in the fight. If you think about it I'm the one making the huge sacrifice here."

"Yeah, and when I'm getting all the bullets taken out of my body, I'll be sure to cry for your sacrifice."

Tony sighed and braced for a landing, as Hulk jumped onto a building a couple of blocks away.

"Some folks just don't appreciate what I do." Then he skittered out of Hulk's arms and sat down beside him.

Hulk was stationed on the edge of the building, keeping his eyes trained on the battle. His hands were folded under his chin and he looked on with longing to get back in the fight.

Tony couldn't help it, he patted one of his large green thighs. "Don't worry buddy, we got this."

Without looking at him, Hulk replied, "Ross is Hulk's fight."

Sometimes he was so much like Bruce.

"Well we're a team now. So your fights are our fights, you understand that?"

Hulk huffed and turned to look at him. For a man who probably couldn't spell condescension, the look on his face was sure full of it.

"Hulk supposed to be the one to stop Ross, always."

"I know big guy. I mean, hell. When Pepper took out that Killian bastard I felt a bit of that. But I got three words for ya, let. it. go. Sometimes someone else gets to be the hero."

Hulk shook his head vigorously. "Taking care of Ross is Hulk's _job_. Ross not want team, not want to hurt _team_. Only hurt team because of Hulk. So it's Hulk's fight."

Tony said the only thing he could think to say. The only thing that could derail this unproductive train of thought.

"You know, you sound an awful lot like Bruce when you say that."

Hulk turned on him in a snap.

"Hulk not like Banner! Not at all!"

"I don't know, Hulk. Bruce has said some very similar things. About how it was his fight, his concern. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have more in common than you think."

"No!" Hulk exclaimed, louder than he needed to. Tony was definitely going to need his hearing checked after this. "Hulk different than Banner! Hulk stronger than Banner!"

"And yet neither of you will accept help from your friends, from your team. If someone was gunning for me, I know damn well your green ass would be right there on the front line smashing them to bits. Don't even deny it." Tony said, holding a finger in Hulk's face, to keep him from disagreeing.

Hulk huffed and turned to look back at the fight. "Ross chase Hulk. Try to lock Hulk up. Hurt Betty. Keep her locked up."

Tony turned to look at him in shock. He knew a lot about the various asshole sides of General Ross, but if anything he was extremely protective of his only child.

"He hurt Betty?"

"Yes," Hulk grumbled out. "Kept her away. Locked up at school, then wouldn't let her have friends. Have Banner and Hulk. Thinks he's protecting but he's not."

Tony drew back as if he'd been slapped. He tried his hardest not to feel jealous at the mention of Betty's name. But she was, like the epic love of Bruce's life. She was the woman, his woman. His first great love. Sometimes Tony didn't think he could live up to the memory of her. And yet, he couldn't very well say that, could he? He still worked with one of the first women he ever loved.

But this made it worse, somehow. To hear that Hulk loved her just as much, protected her just as much. That he connected with this other person so strongly, to want to protect her over everything.

And here Tony thought he was special.

"That's rough." He said with a sigh. It wasn't as if there was a guidebook for this sorta thing. "I mean..." and then Hulk got up suddenly.

"Hey buddy, where you think you're going?" Tony asked, standing up too.

"Dog!" Hulk yelled out, his eyes trained onto something Tony couldn't see.

"What?"

And before Tony could say anything else, Hulk was gone.

"Oh shit," Tony exclaimed, before following.

Thankfully, the fight was winding down. Most of the soldiers had been subdued, carted away by the newly arrived S.H.I.E.L.D teams. Ross was kneeling on the curb, Steve keeping a close eye on him. The man's suit was rumpled and he had a massive black eye, Tony noted with glee.

But the ones that were left seemed determined to keep fighting till the end. Tony couldn't help but train his eyes for the large black net, something that was very hard to loose track of. There it was, he noted, a block away. Four or five of the remaining soldiers were surrounding it.

As he got a glimpse of their faces, he couldn't help feeling sorry for them, just a little. They were all surprisingly young. One soldier still having pimples on his face and peach fuzz for facial hair. But still, these stupidly young soldiers were trying to hurt Bruce...so his sympathy would only go so far.

They managed to get the extremely large net on top of their shoulders and as they finally began to move, a brown spot...no wait, a dog, ran between them.

Dog...

Oh...oh shit.

Tony flew down with a speed that was frankly almost too much for the suit. The gears in it started to scream in protest. Sure enough, Hulk's large green form started chasing after it. His head low, hands reaching for the terrified pooch.

Tony stopped in the air, mere inches from the pimply face soldier boy. "Put that net down kid, or you're gonna regret it."

None of them said a word, only stood there grimly. They couldn't reach for their weapons, Tony realized, because that would mean putting the net down before they could get Hulk with it. Apparently they were willing to die to capture and torture Hulk.

Anger pulsed through him as he raised his hand in their direction. Before Hulk could run through this barricade of idiots, Tony threw a repulsor ray at the pimple kid, who promptly fell on his ass and dropped his side of the net.

The rest began to struggle to pick up his slack and shield themselves from Tony's blasts. He fired wildly, at anything and everything. Setting parked cars on fire, making guns explode, anything he could do to give Hulk the cover of chaos.

Finally his big green form ran past the mass of terrified soldiers and to wherever that stupid dog went.

After a few minutes of rampaging, Tony sighed with relief when the S.H.I.E.L.D clean up crews began to arrive. He put his smoking metal hand down at his side, looked around to make sure everything was getting handled, and promptly went off to find his boyfriend.

Tony found Hulk five blocks away. He was standing in an abandoned alley way, the dog cuddled to his chest. The thing shook, but not nearly as much as it had mere minutes before. Then the dog licked Hulk's large green chest with a swipe of his tongue. Hulk's eyes brightened with a joy Tony rarely got to see. For a moment he wondered if he should leave so he didn't interrupt the moment.

Then Hulk lifted his head up with a snap and spotted him. He sighed. _Well, moment's ruined._

"You realize that was incredibly stupid, right? We had no idea that Ross had been taken care of and you did that?" Tony said, coming closer.

Hulk didn't say anything at first, only stroked the thing's ear lightly with a ginormous thumb.

"Seriously though! Why would you do something like that?"

Hulk shrugged his shoulders and gave Tony a slightly guilty look.

"Dog could've gotten hurt."

"Yeah? And so could you!"

"'Vengers would have saved Hulk. Dog was alone. Alone and scared and weak! Bullets everywhere."

The dog flinched as Hulk raised his voice and Hulk began whispering in the things ear. "Don't worry, dog, you're safe. It's alright, bad men won't get you."

While he was occupied, Tony took the time to address JARVIS. "J, start recording. Zoom in on Hulk and his new friend."

"To what end, sir?"

"To what end?" He asked, laughing. "This is the best PR moment of the century!"

"As you say sir, recording now."

"So you went out there, risking getting captured by a guy who wants to lock you up for the rest of your life, to save a random mutt?" Tony asked louder, for the benefit of posterity.

"Dog alone and scared. Needed to be saved. So Hulk saved." He shrugged his shoulders, as if it should be obvious.

"You know that's pretty special right? Not everyone would risk their freedom for a mutt like that."

Hulk hung his head in embarrassment. Huh, Tony never saw him embarrassed like that before. It was...well honestly it was cute. Disgustingly cute. Tony shook his head, hoping to shake those thoughts away, quickly.

"Dogs are special." Hulk said in his new subdued voice. "Dogs love everyone. Don't care if you look scary, long as you're nice."

Now that was what Tony was looking for. He'd make damn sure every major news outlet had that soundbite. And played it, ad nauseam. But also...ow. In the depths where his heart should be, Tony felt a pang.

Hulk started scratching the other ear and smiled. Tony took to finally looking at the thing. It was definitely a miserable scrap of a creature. Definitely not the product of a good home. _Join the club_, Tony thought. And, as Hulk cradled the thing closer to his face, Tony could also see that it's left front leg was missing.

Which was even better PR, but also stung. Poor miserable thing. Abandoned, parent-less and crippled.

"And people aren't like that?" Tony asked, though he damn well knew the answer.

Hulk finally looked up at him, the pain in his eyes laid out for all to see.

"No matter how much Hulk saves, people are afraid. Will always be afraid. Dogs not like that."

Hulk leaned in and kissed the thing on the head. God, Tony couldn't have written a better script than this.

A new thought crept into his head. It was spontaneous, it was 50% incredibly stupid and basically, a Tony Stark move if there ever was one.

"Would you like to keep it? At the tower. You can name him and everything."

Hulk's head shot up at that. "Hulk...keep the dog?"

"Of course. He obviously likes you and you like him...besides I love animals! And I'm sure the rest of the team will be fine with it."

JARVIS took that moment to interrupt. "As a matter of fact sir, you have never interacted once with an animal, canine or otherwise."

"Then how do you know I won't like it?" Tony shot back.

"Is it...it's ok for Hulk to have dog?" He asked, still dubious.

"I said yes, didn't I? I know for a fact that Clint and Bruce love dogs. Thor's basically an over grown puppy himself and even if Steve and Natasha mind...well fuck them! Ok? You want a dog, you've got one."

Tony's own vehemence at the matter surprised him. But he truly meant it. Looking at the big green rage monster...no that wasn't quite right anymore. Looking at this big green hero, he knew it was right. Hulk deserved to have someone...something around that trusted him so completely. To treat him like the special person he really was.

A large grin spread over Hulk's face. It wasn't as terrifying as the first time Tony saw it. It was the same large mouth, same intimidating set of teeth...but something about Hulk was different. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Tony just got done watching the 'monster' cuddle a cripple street mutt with all the care of someone holding an infant.

Carefully, Hulk hugged the dog to his chest and exclaimed, "Dog coming home with Hulk! Hulk will make sure dog never in danger again."

The dog...Hulk's dog, wagged his tail at that and gleefully licked the large green hand in front of him.

"Come on, let's show the team your new friend." Tony exclaimed and he walked by Hulk's side, watching him walk with an extra bounce to his step. His features transformed under the weight of his happiness.


	3. Kiss the Dude

Hulk laid back against the special lumpy chair Tony bought for him. "It's called a bean bag chair, big guy," He had said. "So don't be too rough with it, or it'll explode! Hey wait, I'm a billionaire, break all the fucking chairs you want!"

But Hulk didn't. He didn't want to break any of Tony's things, even if he could buy a bunch more.

He watched Scooby, the mutt he found during the Ross fight, chase the squeaky ball he'd thrown. He leaned to the left, because of the leg he didn't have, but he ran just as fast as any other dog.

His tongue hung out of his mouth as he happily jumped to the thing and he finally chomped on it, the ball letting out a loud SQUEAK as he did. Then the dog came limping back to Hulk's feet, ball in his mouth and wagging his shaggy tail.

"How's the mutt doin'?" Clint asked from the doorway.

The rooms were big and the walls were covered in painted trees, some of them the color of Hulk's skin. The roof of the room was sky blue, with white fluffly clouds floating around. It was Hulk's part of the tower, in the very bottom of the place.

Banner had his own room too. But he didn't use it much since dating Tony. Instead he chose to fill his rooms with random junk, while Hulk's room only had a TV, a few movies and games, and a bookshelf.

Tony had practically designed it all himself. "If there's one thing Hulk likes" He said, not knowing Hulk was listening, "It's being outside. And we don't want him feeling suffocated in his own rooms, right?"

Hulk didn't love Tony right then, but it was the first time he felt the fluttering in his chest because of him.

"Fine." Hulk mumbled, trying to wrestle the ball from Scooby's mouth.

"Mind if I give it a go?" Barton asked, sauntering into the room and sitting across from Hulk.

Hulk frowned. "It's Hulk's time with him." He said, throwing the ball across the room and smiling as Scooby ran off again.

"Hey!" Clint exclaimed, "quit hogging the pooch, he lives with all of us, remember?"

Hulk crossed his arms. "But it's Hulk's dog. Hulk saved him. So Hulk gets to play."

"This isn't fair, you know that? We finally get a dog, a genuine canine companion and I only get to play with him when Bruce is out...and only then when he and Stark are doing their science shit."

"Then get your own dog, bird brain."

Scooby ran back with the ball and Clint grabbed him before he could get to Hulk. The dog flinched back, for a moment, before calming down and letting Clint pet him.

"But I like this one," Clint replied, "He's got character. And look at him smilin' and wagging that poor excuse for a tail." Scooby wagged some more and licked the archer's fingers as he scratched behind his ears.

"Character?" Hulk asked.

"Well yeah, he's interestin' is all I'm sayin'. A three legged dog, fending all for himself on the mean streets of New York, who runs into the middle of an army standoff of all things. And right into the arms of a big green powerhouse. And instead of, you know, being all "Oh shit! It's the Hulk!" he just...just chills. Like he knows, "Hey, this is one of the good ones."

Clint pointed at Hulk's face, "That shit spells character."

Hulk nodded. He knew that his dog was special, he just didn't have the word for it. "Scooby, come" He said, snapping his fingers and the dog squirmed out of Clint's arms and bolted to Hulk.

"Hey! That's not fair!"

"Yes it is, it's my dog."

Outside the door came a new voice. "Children, behave." Hulk turned to look at Tony standing in the doorway. He was wearing one of his comfy t-shirts and jeans, sunglasses clipped to the shirt and smiling, showing off his pretty white teeth.

"Yeah? Tell your boyfriend here to quit hogging the dog."

Hulk forced himself not to freak out at that. What would Tony say, if anything?

"Well, you heard him, Robin Hood, it's his dog." He glided into the room, almost like he was walking on air. "Though I don't know why you'd fight over this mangy thing."

Hulk knew he was joking around, that's just what Tony did. If somebody else said those words about his dog, there'd be trouble.

Also he smelled something on Tony...something like...fear? Tony was afraid of the dog?

So he told Tony to come closer with his hand. "Dog's are nice, Metal Man. Come see."

"No thanks, buddy, I'm fine right here."

"Oh come on!" Clint said, "It aint gonna bite."

Still Tony stood away from them, his feet shuffling kind of like Banner.

"You sure? I mean, I'm a certified genius but I know zip about furballs."

"Hulk will show you," Hulk replied, still motioning him forward, with the hand that wasn't holding Scooby close.

Tony's scared feet finally started to move him forward.

"I don't even know how to hold one, or what to do once I have them." He said. It hurt Hulk, a bit, to see Tony admit that. He knew Tony didn't want to look weak about anything, to anyone.

"Come here, Hulk knows those things."

When Tony was finally by his side, Hulk let the dog go. It sniffed around by his knees for a bit and then laid his head on Hulk's lap, begging for love with his eyes.

Tony bent down, slowly letting his hand near Scooby's head. The dog moved back nervously.

Hulk shook his head. "Not like that," He said, and with one large hand he pulled Tony into his lap.

Scooby moved away from the action, afraid of any fast movements.

"Some dogs get scared of big things above them. Afraid of getting hurt. Need to be on their level."

"Aha..." Tony said, a bit shaky. "I guess that makes sense."

"Now Scooby, come" Hulk said, making his voice soft and nice.

Scooby warily came back to his side and once again begged for attention.

"Dogs also like when you talk nice. No loud voices." Tony nodded again.

Hulk tried to focus on helping Tony with the dog, and not what he'd done. The weight of Tony in his lap, the feel of his ass against Hulk's groin, it was too much. He was almost too scared to enjoy having Tony so close, and being able to smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his skin.

Breathe, he thought to himself. Breathe like Banner does to calm down. Breathe and don't think about sex. This isn't about how good Tony feels. Not about what Hulk wants from him.

It's about Tony's fear. And Scooby's fear of Tony's fear, too.

"Yeah, Stark, can't believe you didn't know that," Clint said with a smirk.

"Is there somethin' about this you find funny, Barton? Why don't you share with the class?" Tony said, tensing up in Hulk's arms.

Clint laid down on the carpet, pulling a pillow under him. "Just reveling in the fact that I know more about something than you do. It's a good day to be me."

"Yeah well...there's a first time for everything. Probably the last time too." Tony said, with a laugh.

But Hulk knew Tony didn't actually think it was funny. This was something he was afraid of, something that made him unsure of himself (something Tony rarely is) and Clint made a joke about it.

So Hulk grabbed the abandoned squeaky ball and threw it right at Clint's face. He pulled back with a grin and grabbed the thing.

"Lighten up a little, Mean Green, it's only a joke." Hawkeye said, giving Hulk a smarmy look. Like he knew a secret.

Hulk shook his head. What he was doing with Tony was more important.

"Now hold the dog." Hulk said, bringing Scooby up to Tony's face in one large hand.

"I don't know about that..." Tony started, holding his hands in front of his face.

"Just be gentle. If you're not scared, he's not scared."

He felt Tony take a deep breath.

"Is it that simple Jolly Green?" Tony asked, turning his head up and to the side, so he could look Hulk in the eye.

His eyelashes fluttered and Hulk felt his breath stop. They were long and curly, like a woman's. Making his face look...soft, even with the hair on it. Made his brown eyes pop. And these eyes were looking right into Hulk's bright green ones. Looking for Hulk to say things were ok.

"It's that simple" Hulk said, making sure to look Tony right in the eye, though he felt his skin heating up at the attention.

Clint piped up from the floor. "Come on man, You're Tony Stark. You got this." He was probably making up for earlier, Hulk decided.

"You got this." Hulk repeated, gently placing the dog on Tony's lap.

"Thanks" Tony whispered back to Hulk. And then with more confidence, "Of course I've got this. It's just a dog..." And then he lightly stroked Scooby's back.

"It's simple, isn't it mutt?" Tony asked the dog. "I pet, you stay, simple." He kept on petting that one spot, like in a trance.

"Scratch behind his ears, he likes that." Hulk whispered in his ear.

Tony did so immediately and Scooby began to wag. Hulk would make sure to tell Scooby what a good dog he was, for being so patient, once Tony was gone.

Hulk couldn't help but smile watching them. Seeing Tony and Scooby getting along so well...and knowing he was the reason...it was almost too beautiful to watch. But he watched anyway.

Slowly he grabbed Tony's hand away from Scooby's ear and to his lower back. "Also likes scratched here" he said. And he waited with anticipation for what would happen next.

As Tony scratched, Scooby's back left leg went up and down, fast.

"What the hell?" Tony let out, removing his hand.

"Means he likes it, a lot." Hulk said, gently placing Tony's hand back on the spot. And again, Scooby began to move his leg.

"It's like I got his little motor running." Tony said, a smile in his voice. "He's gonna takeoff any minute now, aren't ya, stumpy?"

If it wasn't for the happy way he said that, Hulk would've been annoyed. But Tony used the word stumpy the way Hulk used the phrase "good dog" so he let it slide. It was like Tony calling Clint cupid, or Robin Hood, or the various nicknames for Hulk himself.

Hulk was so caught up in Tony that he almost forgot Clint was in the room. He looked up to see the archer, with his hands propped up under his chin, watching them like it was a very interesting movie and he wanted to see what happened next.

Hulk gave him one of his most angry faces and Clint just winked. He was fighting the urge to make him go away when Tony spoke.

"You'd make a helluva dad, big guy. You know that?"

Hulk couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. It was...it made no sense. Why was Tony talking about Hulk being a dad?

And...and a good one? How could he know that? How would anyone look at Hulk and go "that man needs to be a daddy" ?

He did think about it, sometimes. Having a little Hulk walking around. Getting to feed it and burp it, rocking it to sleep.

Then the Avengers would have another fight...and the people would look at him, like he was pure evil and he'd wonder why he thought he should be a daddy.

He heard Clint move in front of him. Hulk looked up and saw the movie watching face was gone. He was all serious.

"And why do you say that?" Cupid asked, softly.

Tony started at Clint's voice, apparently he forgot about Clint too.

"Didn't you see?" Tony said in a soft voice, still scratching. "I've been kinda stupid about this whole dog...thing and has Hulk lost his patience once? No. And he does all that...good dad crap. Teaching things without getting angry. Being all gentle and soft and shit...unless he has to protect us...or you know, the rest of the world...That makes him some prime daddy material, I'd say."

Clint scoffed a little. "And how would any of us know what's 'prime daddy material'?"

Hulk tensed at that, but Tony didn't seem to notice. "Hell Barton, I've watched Little House on the Prairie. Shit like that. Don't you ever watch TV?"

Tony patted Hulk's leg. "Don't let anyone tell you any different, Hulk. You'd be a good dad. Hell Bruce and I've talked about it once or twice."

They had?

"What?" Hulk said, knowing that wasn't the smart thing to say, but words abandoned him all the time.

"Well yeah. Just a little, you know, drowsy pillow talk. That maybe, one day we might wanna adopt. Maybe get us a little X-Baby or something. I've just got him coming around to the fact that you'd probably be an asset there."

Hulk didn't know what to say to that, at all. So he let out more stupid sounding words. "You did?"

"Yup," Tony replied, turning to look at him again. "You think anybody'd mess with our kid if they knew it's other, other daddy was you? And hell, you take great care of this dog, and us and I've seen you around little kids, you adore them. And treat them like real people, and I heard, on a talk show, Barton," He said, looking at Clint a bit before turning back to Hulk, "that kids really go for that."

Hulk finally, finally, got all that stuff to sink in. Tony knew what damage Hulk could do...knew about all the anger both Hulk and Bruce had...and thought they should be daddies. Knew about the Bad Man, who's blood was in their veins and what he did and still thought they could be trusted around someone small and defenseless...

And Hulk would be a daddy too, Tony said so. Him, Bruce and Tony...

"What's Banner say?" He asked, trying to cover up the tears in his voice.

"Bruce...Bruce is coming around. It's sure as shit not gonna be something we do soon...but would you like that, Big Guy? A little rugrat running around?"

"Yes." Hulk blurted out and Tony laughed.

"I knew it," He said, his eyes doing the sparkly thing Hulk liked so much. "Knew it. Man Bruce is gonna get the gloating of a lifetime. Maybe an "I was right" dance, what do you think?"

Cupid answered, though the question was meant for Hulk. "I think you didn't need that ego boost. Thanks Hulk, now his head's gonna get even bigger."

Hulk couldn't help but picture Tony with a really large head, like that stupid Leader man, who thought Hulk should be on his side because they were both gamma monsters. He could actually see Tony wobbling on his feet, getting stuck in doorways and falling on his ass.

He let out a laugh.

"What's so funny, Hulk?" Tony asked, and then he shook his head. "Nevermind. Whatever it is, hearing you laugh is so worth it. You should do that more often, you know? It's really nice to hear. And leanin' against you like this, man I can feel your voice vibrating against my back. It's really kinda soothing, you know that?"

Barton barked a laugh from the floor. "What'cha gonna do, Stark? Start using him as a massage chair?"

Tony turned to look at Clint. "Maybe. And hell, he's so warm, I might just sit here all day." And then Tony leaned against Hulk's chest and wiggled his butt around, as if he was trying to get more comfortable. Hulk gritted his teeth and tried not to think sexy thoughts.

"Gotta tell ya, big guy, you're insanely comfortable." Tony grabbed Hulk's arms and wrapped them around his waist. "This is about perfect." He declared with a sigh. Hulk squeezed him around the middle briefly and smiled to himself.

He would definitely love for Tony to sit there all day, all week even. Maybe Tony'd fall asleep in his arms. Or turn around and place a kiss on his large chest.

Start wiggling around on his crotch some more, only this time meaning it the sexy way.

Hulk sighed at the thought and buried his head into Tony's neck.

Tony jumped up with a start.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. "I forgot this...thing. This Pepper thing. She's gonna be..." He trailed off and looked at the doorway. "Really pissy, you know? It's a Pepper-y... company thing" He said, waving his hands around. "Sorry but I gotta go."

Then he leaned over and gave Hulk a brief kiss on the cheek, only to act even more frantic afterwords.

"Yes, this Pepper thing. Thanks for the...dog stuff." He ran his hands through his hair. "I gotta go. See ya." And then he practically ran out the door.

Hulk put his fingers on the spot where Tony kissed him. Tony, kissed him. Talked about how warm and soothing he was and then ran away. Smells of guilt and ….love following him.

No, not love. Tony wasn't smelling of love near Hulk. It was too good to believe. Somehow his brain had screwed up his nose, making him smell what he wanted to smell.

He shook his head, hoping moving it around would make the stupid thing stop lying to him.

"What the hell was that?" Barton asked, making Hulk notice him again.

"What...was...what?" He asked in return.

"Tony kissing you like that and running away. And you let him! Come on bro, get your green ass up and follow the man!"

"Why would Hulk do that?"

Clint ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Because you love him!"

Hulk jumped up on his feet and backed away, just a bit.

"How did you know?" He asked, before knowing the words were gonna come out of his mouth.

"It's obvious!" Clint said, getting up on his feet as well. "You follow him around with those lovesick puppy dog eyes, jumping at his beck and call. And what do you talk about when we're alone. "Tony is so smart, Tony is so funny. Tony is so nice. Tony, Tony, Tony. I swear, you're the only person in the world who thinks as much of Tony Stark as Tony Stark does."

"Hulk...Hulk isn't like that."

"Yes you are." Clint said, pointing a finger at him. "And then you sulk. Yes you do, don't shake your head at me. As soon as he starts talking about Bruce you just sorta...deflate. You don't even go out and punch things, anymore. No you sit around and pout and we're sick and tired of it."

"What's Hulk supposed to do? Chase Tony down and force him to love me?" He yelled, not even thinking that Tony might still be in hearing distance.

"If you don't think he loves you, or is starting to, then you're just about as oblivious as he is." Clint responded.

"Tony doesn't love me! No matter what Hulk does, either Tony gets scared or has something better to do that be with Hulk. Hulk's not gonna...gonna make Tony love him."

Clint took a breath and moved toward Hulk, his hands up in a "I'm not a threat" gesture. "Listen to me, buddy. Tony Stark is 100% falling for you. Now, I got no idea what that means for him and Bruce, but it's true. You didn't get to see his face, when he was sittin' on your lap. It was like...like he was right where he belongs. Content, you know?"

Hulk shook his head.

"Come on, man, you should know this. You're the one with the super smeller. Didn't things change when Tony was getting all up close and personal with your package? I thought he was gonna jump you right there!"

"Tony...smelled of guilt...of love. But it was wrong. Hulk wanted Tony to smell like love, so he did. But it's not real."

Clint grabbed one of his hands...well a finger, and squeezed it gently. "Listen to me. It's real. He loves you, or is starting to. And you love him. So you need to let him know, in actual words, ok? So you and Tony and Bruce can either figure something out, or you can move on, alright? But living in this...this fuckin' love sick limbo, it's gonna tear you apart."

Hulk pulled back. "Hulk doesn't...doesn't know how."

Clint patted him on the back. "Just tell him. Some people do grand gestures, like taking someone to a nice restaurant, or buyin' them presents. But the words, they're what matters, alright?"

An idea popped into Hulk's head. "A restaurant?"

"Yeah, good food, friendly waiters, candles. You know, the works."

Hulk felt his stomach knot up with a bunch of different feelings. There was fear, and more fear, and churning around with that fear was a bit of hope. Hulk did know of a place like that. A good place, with really nice people and great food. Where they wouldn't run at seeing Hulk.

He could get Tony there...somehow. And the words...words. Why does it always come down to words? Hulk wished, right then and there, that people didn't need words. That they would realize how stupid words are, because they get caught in the back of your throat or come out wrong or...mess you up in a million different ways.

"Hulk..." He trailed off in a whisper. He couldn't say those words, 'Hulk scared'. His pride wouldn't let him.

"What if Tony says no?" He asked, his heart pounding.

"Well buddy, then you mourn. You cry or rage or any number of things, until you feel ok. You get to a place where you can be friends with Stark and it doesn't hurt...but then, at least you'll know."

Hulk grabbed Clint's hand and squeezed. "Will Cupid..." He looked away. "Help Hulk?"

Clint let out a laugh. "Of course, buddy. Of course."

They spent hours rehearsing how it could go. What Hulk could say. And, while he was just as scared, the hope feelings got stronger too.

He'd give it all he could and, if Tony really didn't love him or couldn't work it out with Banner...well Hulk's lost plenty of stuff before. He'd just have to...to let Tony go. But at least he'd be able to move on, one way or the other.


End file.
